Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
