you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
