Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
