alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
