I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
