Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
