i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
