I like to think it a success when the cops are called
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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