I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
