Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
