She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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