I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
