I will die if light touches me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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