I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
