Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
