So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
