People in love make me want to vomit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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