There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just want nice things and good sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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