Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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