I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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