Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
