im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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