Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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