Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
