thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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