the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
