i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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