I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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