Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
