Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
