I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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