Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
