Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
