accomplished twins. life is a go
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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