When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
