I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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