she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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