I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
