i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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