You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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