so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
