Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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