So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
