Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
