Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
