Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
