is your mom at the bar?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
