I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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