Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Randomize
