I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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