Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
