Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
