Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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