FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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