walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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