Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
