I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
