I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My ass is underappreciated
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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