I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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