I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
