I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
