Where is the hickey?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
