He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
