You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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