did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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