She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dicks are not precious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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