If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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