Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
