oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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