Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
