Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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