Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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