her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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