How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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