So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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