look no pants
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
