Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
