you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You can't just leave with hair like that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
