Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
