i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
