Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
