had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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