Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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